The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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