Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
