i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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