During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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