Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
