I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They took my balls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
