i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Best friends brother. Beat that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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