I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it's like iHOP with fire
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
