I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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