Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
