I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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