Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We are two peas in an std pod
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
