I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
