I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
