Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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