that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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