i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
