I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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