im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
whose parrot is this?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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