Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
