We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
