I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
