I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
