I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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