You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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