I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
