I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
