I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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