I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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