Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
