If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
