Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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