dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
