Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
