wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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