Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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