Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
