he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
