so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
