omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
