Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
