Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
