Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
