Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
