i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
send nudes
from the living room?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
