Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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