he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
