Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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