I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
