the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
