Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
