I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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