This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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